Lights, cameras, and lemons

marble man


C. Brady


Ceej had an idea for a video on a score he wrote and we started a few weeks ago. (Fall = pale legs. Sorry for the scare) Looking forward to shooting more, from what I understand about the project it's going to lead down a psychological rabbit hole of visual storytelling. Inspiring to be a part of this with him! I am proud of how much he loves doing this. 

On a more personal note, I've been feeling.... not myself lately. 

The meaning behind the title of this website is just an allegory for the way I'm currently running my life. Notice I said "running", not "living". I make a lot of mistakes, personal ones, and I end up on this sideways slope, leaning precariously over the edge on the soles of my shoes. I don't write a lot of deep, meaningful feelings on this page, and mostly it's because I'm too modest and private of a person. I never imagined that I could be such a prude but when emotionally at odds, a lion about my emotions as I've proven to be lately. I find discussing woeful moments of self destruction embarrassing but I applaud and am in awe of those brave writers who so boldly write about the most intimate and insecure parts of their character. For the sake of teaching myself to write about the more uncomfortable lessons of adulthood, I have forced myself to be honest. And the truth is that I know surprisingly little about myself and what I am capable of speaking and feeling. It's a scary thing, to see your demons. I feel pretty disappointed at the moment, but I know I still have to live, right? Live with choices, life with outcomes. Be lucky to find friends and a partner who can forgive you and continue to want you in their corner. Live with what lemons you grow and make lemonade because it builds character and grace. I'm nearly at my 3rd decade and I still haven't learned a thing except that I'm running out free passes . Walking on slopes while wearing heels... might as well make them a pretty pair of shoes along with way, right baby? I'm sorry about today, yesterday, and that I'm blind so often. You're a gutsy guy for sticking around and helping me find my way... and I'm a very lucky lady who needs saving a little too often.... xxoo

No comments:

Post a Comment